Deer Hunting Party
Jan 8th, 2008 by Tweaked
One year in the early 1990’s Jim and I thought of going hunting in a new place for whitetail deer, someplace that no one else hunted. So we came up with a plan to hunt this island on part of upper arm of
When we got to the lake the night before the big hunt was to begin we didn’t think there would be any issues. We got to the lake only to discover his dad had taken out the boat for the winter and we were shit out of luck. Jim and I went to eat some grub, while we milled over the situation. Jim had a high school buddy whose family had a lake cabin and access to a bunch of land near where we were at in
Now from my previous stories it is obvious that we were both hard core guys in our outdoor sports and our partying ability. So before we headed out to meet these guys we headed to a local pub to throw back some beers and play some pool.
Luckily we found a small rough bar frequented by the local rough necks and soon we had a pitcher of beer with quarters waiting on the table. The couple playing before us soon finished and asked if we wanted to play doubles, we readily agreed.
Multiple reasons we agreed one she was cute in a skanky fresh meat trailer trash way and she was wearing a loose large t-shirt with no bra. With every shot we looked down the neck of her shirt and saw those banana tits. Now we called her banana tits cause they were like A cup boobs but the hung down long with a big long nipple at the end. She never knew why we call her “chiquita” but she was way to drunk to care. Not a bad way to play pool with a little extra view….
Before long they were fighting and we had won the table from them anyway. Before long we were buzzed and talking about getting on to the hunting camp. Out of the blue the wall to the bar near the pool tables crashed in, luckily no one got hurt. Apparently banana tits was mad and drove her bf’s truck into the bar to get his attention. Haaaa ha ha….
Attention she got and before the local cops got busy we high tailed it out of there for the hunting camp. We arrived at about 2 am fully intoxicated and in an ornery mood. We woke up all the hunters, made them get up and have a shot before we passed out on the floor.
At 5 am we were to drunk to handle a loaded gun so we just got geared up and went to the woods without our guns loaded. It was a cold MO morning, after we separated in our area of the woods me and Jim each passed out on the ground. Waking up at around 9 am I rubbed my eyes, took a pee and loaded my gun. It was time to scout around and see what this spot had to offer in sign. As I topped a ridge two large bucks emerged from a near straight drop off to the lake. And we just stared at each other…… as soon as I raised my
I got one shot before they were out of site running his direction. Unfortunately he never saw then since he woke up and was scouting around also. I didn’t see any other deer that morning. Coming back to camp I told my story and was surprised to hear that those big bucks ran down the hill and jumped off the end of a dock to swim across the cove to the woods on the other side.
So we made a plan to do a couple of different deer drives in that area. The first one got our party a small 6 point buck and a doe. On the second drive we saw a lot of deer but didn’t have any shots. One of the guys did shoot at the end but he was way on the outside of the group. We headed over to see if he needed help. Oh he exclaimed how big the buck was he shot at and from his description it sounded like the deer I had seen.
As we walked over to the area he shot at this buck we first found blood then immediately found the buck. It was a 17 pointer and gorgeous, but one problem….. he shot it in the head breaking the center head plate in many pieces. No way to tell the spread…..didn’t matter except to score it…. on big buck….
So the evening hunt didn’t bring any luck but afterwards we had a dandy dinner and asked the group where the nearest pub was located. We were ready to party again….
We quickly found out that in the back of the cove not 5 miles away by winding gravel roads was a restaurant on the lake. This hole in the wall pushed the table against the wall at night and served can beer since they didn’t have a liquor license. Even though it was a small place it had all the necessary amenities: cold beer, shuffle board for entertainment, a live band and some women.
When you’re out in the boonies you can’t be too picky the beer was Pabst which I like, the shuffle board was kinda warped, every member of the band was about 70 except the 16 year old drummer and there were only two women under 50. Now these two girls were in their early 20’s which is good but one was about 5’4” and 100 lbs with not too many teeth and the other was the same height and about 350 lbs …. no doubt she had teeth.
We continued drinking and playing shuffle board in our hunting clothes with the locals. Jim and I have a tendency to be loud and ornery…. We haze each other and anyone around us without mercy. So the big deer killer had joined us on our excursion we got some local to be his partner and play us in shuffle board. This local guy was at my end of the table and I was riding him hard….giving him a ton of shit.
Apparently he wasn’t used to being teased and I didn’t care of course. He leaned over to me in a real serious tone and said keep it up I got a pistol in the truck and I will kill you. I of course am drunk and bullet proof….I patted the big pocket full of stuff on my hunting pants and say “ I got a pistol right here and I will kill you just to watch you die!” needless to say he switched with the deer killer to move to the other side of the table.
Now what really got funny was he gets to the other end and tells Jim that I’m an asshole. Jim didn’t know what was going on but immediately responds with “Yeah he’s an asshole alright….. he just hasn’t been right since he got out of prison for killing that guy…” Jim said the guy turned white and left the bar immediately…… we had a long laugh over that one I can tell ya.
A while later the band took a break except the drummer started playing rock and roll on the drums….. of all songs… Wipe Out!!! Jim jumps up runs over to the skinny girl and tells her he’s gonna dive across the dance floor and she should jump on his back and act like she is riding a surf board….
Off Jim goes sliding on his belly and swimming on the floor….after a long pause and no response…. Jim turns his head to see the big girl struggling to get her boots off…. Jim jumps up off the floor puts out his hand and says “whoa….no way…. Whoa…” It was so damn funny the whole place was laughing, except her, so we settled on back to shuffle board and serious drinking.
Before long the deer hunter is wearing his hat sideways and talking like Elmer Fudd… saying “Be very very quiet we hunting deer….with my hat turned they think I’m lookin the other way….” It was quite hilarious….
So the bar was closing it was 1:30 am and about 28 degrees outside…we piled into Jims minivan me in the passenger seat and the deer killer in the back. As we were driving this slick gravel road Jim says to me…”Rob would you of fucked that skinny girl?” and I respond “yep” he then says “Would you of fucked that fat girl?” I said “yep”. Then I looked at Jim and said “Woulda you fucked em?” and he says “You bet!” we then turn to the mighty hunter in the back and say would you have fucked them? He says in a drunken slur “nope” Jim stops the van…
We turn to him and say you wouldn’t have given either one of them girls a poke? He responds with a drunken “No way!”…. Jim looks at me and says “get him!” … I step out of the front… open the sliding door…. Grab him by his blaze orange jacket and throw him into the ditch. I get back into the van and we drive back to the cabin…drunk as monkeys laughing our asses off….
About an hour later he comes wandering into the house all pissed off and whining. Jim looks at him and says do you want me to ask Rob to throw you outside for the night. He shuts up and heads to bed…we laughed our ass off and went to sleep….hunting time again in a few hours….LOL
Neither of us got a deer on this trip but we made some friends and had one hell of a good time….
